Time Passages (August '06)

I'm spending my time these last few days going through papers, dusting off school books and gathering supplies for the new school year. I come across some old workbooks of Clinton's. (sigh) As I clean out his school basket for the last time, I'm overwhelmed with a sense of loss. Where has the time gone? What has happened to my little boy?

Yesterday he was my precious infant, nursing at my breast. Yesterday, he was my rambunctious little boy, playing church in the living room with his little brother, working on his phonics lesson. Yesterday, he was my 13yo, worried he would always be short and needing help with math. I wish I could go back to yesterday. 

I put those old work books away on the shelf and pull a shiny new text book out of the delivery box. His childhood is over and the newness of his adulthood is so full of promise. Then, as if on que, Clinton walks in the door home from work. I see my son and smile. He still hasn't shaved that goatee but I am quiet and welcome him with a hug. I am learning to let go. Yes, I do grieve this transition in our lives. He is my first and I am at the end of my major influence in his life. It's time for me to step back not in sadness but in joy. 

Yesterday has been put on the shelf along with those old work books. Today, I see what a wonderful person he has grown up to be! Math is not the great obstacle it once was, he now towers over me, and he is serious about church. I miss my precious baby but I am so happy to meet the man. He no longer needs me but he still loves me. Today is a good place to be. It makes me look forward toward tomorrow.

I turn my attention back to school readiness. Clinton's old school basket will be just right for 5yo Sarah. After all, it's time to begin phonics...